I did not forget her

I did not forget her.

You cannot remind me of a great loss

I never forgot in the first place.

 

So, fear not.  You can remove that responsibility from yourself right now.  Nothing you say can remind me of a love that has never left my mind.

My heart.
My loss has nothing do with you, dear friend, and I mean that in the kindest possible way.  What makes you think you have that much power over another person’s feelings and memory?

Rest assured, you do not.

Nor do I hold that power over you.

 

Would you forget?

Do you imagine that you would forget your own flesh and blood?

(Hint:  You wouldn’t)

Would you forget you once had an arm, if you lost that?

(Doubtful)

Would you forget you once had an able body, when you are bed ridden?

(Nope)

Would you forget you once brought forth 7.5 pounds of bliss into this world with all its blood and guts and shit and sweat and pain and gore, which you barely even noticed because looking into those brand new fresh eyes was the most profound thing you had ever experienced in your measly life?  Would you forget a thing so perfect in its beauty and purity that it made you forget every bit of pain and suffering you had ever endured?  Would you forget a person that brought forth from you a perfect love?  The kind of love you hear about, and pray to God you’ll get to experience one day?   Do you think, once you felt it, you would ever in your life forget the source of that love?

 

You would not.

 

And nor will I, so do not expect me to do so.  And never think that YOU would be the reason I remembered the pain of the loss of her.  The pain is my own, for the loss of the love that was her.

You would not forsake the love for a being that could awaken those feelings in you. You wouldn’t want to forget if you could.  You would struggle to find a way to love the being that you can no longer see/touch/smell/taste/hear.   And then you would find a way, or ways, perhaps, if you are very lucky.  You would find a way to express your love for that being, and nothing or no one will ever get you off that track again.  Because it’s the hardest, most important thing you’ve ever learned to do.  It’s showtime.  The rest of your life was just practicing scales getting ready for this song.  A song no one wants to write in the first place, but here you are, hundreds of eyes on you while you take the stage no one wants to play.

 

Create it or die or live life with an unbeating heart.

 

You would choose life.

But barely at first.  It feels like cheating on your departed love when you first begin to REALLY choose life. But your new skills—skills you never wanted, thank you very much—teach you how make tangible your love of the unseen.  You can love both now: seen, and unseen.   It feels like you just uncovered some secret power.

 

So you would choose life a little bit more.

 

But you would never forget her.  The love never dies.  It never diminishes, even a fraction of a percent.   In fact, that love flourishes deep within the cracks of your broken heart.

 

You would long for someone to speak her name so that you had a tangible way of communicating that love.

 

As for me, even if not one other soul ever speaks her name to me again,

I will not forget her.

 

I do not want to.

 

I never will.

 

And, my friend, I beg you to remember her with me.

Alice Marie Ferguson

July 26, 2011-August 6, 2013

 

11 Comments

  1. Joe Sickles
    February 17, 2016
    Reply

    Alice Marie Ferguson, I never met you.
    Alice Marie Ferguson, I only new your mommy for a few short years. But I know she was your perfect one. I know no one else in this world, was more perfect for you.
    Alice Marie Ferguson, I know you left your mommy and sister in body only and I know this was not your decision. I know with no doubt, you are still with them today and will be forever in spirit and in their hearts.
    Alice Marie Ferguson, I know your strength and love will guide your mommy and sister thought out their lives, helping them through the tough times, and laughing with them in the good times. I pray they have more of the good than bad one.
    Alice Marie Ferguson, I never met you but I can say through your sister whom I’ve never met and through your mom whom I only briefly new; I fell in love with your kind heart and one of a kind laughter.
    Alice Marie Ferguson, you helped me love my family especially my two wonderful boys more than I could have ever imagined For this I cannot than thank you enough.
    Alice Marie Ferguson, you are missed and loved by everyone who ever touched your family.
    Alice Marie Ferguson, I can’t wait to meet you on the other side.
    Alice Marie Ferguson you made this world a better place
    We miss you❤️❤️❤️

  2. admin
    February 17, 2016
    Reply

    Joe Sickles, you just leveled me. LEVELED ME. I can’t believe how beautiful that tribute is, or how perfectly I feel supported by it. I am bawling like a baby, yet my heart is bursting with gratitude for you. You are a great friend…..and a stellar father, I am certain of that. Such beautiful words you gifted to me. Thank you so very much. I will treasure them always until my dying day. All my love to you and your precious family. Melissa

  3. February 18, 2016
    Reply

    This is pure and beautiful poetry. Poet Laureate good. Please continue.
    Thank you.

    • admin
      February 18, 2016
      Reply

      Wow. Thank you so much, dear Fur.

  4. Sarah
    February 18, 2016
    Reply

    Beautiful Melissa. Thank you for sharing as you do. Your writing is spiritual, authentic, timeless…well it gives me goosebumps and I feel like I know EVERYTHING while reading. Everything that you have experienced. Everything that Alice Marie Ferguson experienced and now experiences. Your writing is transformative and healing and powerful. My words are clumsy in comparison. I love you.

    • admin
      February 18, 2016
      Reply

      Thank you so much,Sarah. this means so much to me. Thank you for remembering my sweet girl with me. I love you.

  5. Madelyn
    February 24, 2016
    Reply

    THANK YOU! My daughter Kimberly only lived three short months and died in 1979. There is not a day that goes by that i don’t think of her. How I’ve wished for those words of yours to have come from my mouth. So many people just don’t get it! Thank you again!

    • admin
      February 24, 2016
      Reply

      I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful Kimberly. I will add Kimberly and you to my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for your support. It means so very much to me. Melissa Monroe

  6. Beth Nesbit
    February 24, 2016
    Reply

    Thank you for sharing this. I have not met you but lost my baby Charlie when i was 27 weeks pregnant with him. Though he never lived in this world he very much lived and still lives in me. Not a moment goes by each day that I don’t think of him or like to talk about him. I am deeply sorry for your loss. Your writing is beautiful and courageous and comforting to me. Thinking of you, your loving Alice and the rest of your family.

    • Melissa
      May 6, 2016
      Reply

      Beth, I am so incredibly sorry for the loss of your precious baby. I cannot imagine that pain. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Thank you so much for writing. It means a lot to me.

    • admin
      May 17, 2016
      Reply

      I am so sorry for your loss, Beth. I cannot imagine. I am glad you find this helpful, and I’ll keep you and Charlie in my thoughts and prayers. xo

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